Just a few quick things:
pg.5 - Hijiri's line should end, "but they're unsuited for desk jobs." or "unsuited for a desk job."
Nazrin's and Hijiri's lines should both say "trouble" instead of "troubles"
pg. 9 - "Perhaps she wants to keep up the appearance ..."
pg. 12/13 - The middle line should, " ... but it's still in such a state."
Shou's line should be, "It's petty, but think about how hard we worked to maintain it..."
pg. 14 - the first box should be "The ruins of Hijiri's former dream"
pg. 15 - should be "than when I ask you to look for things"
pg. 16 - should be "W, Well, it'd be a lie ..."
also, don't people usually call Marisa, "the black-white" and not "the white-black"?
Comment too long. Click here
to view the full text.