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File: 1266877963996.jpg -(377978 B, 1060x1510) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
377978 No.35581  

http://www.mediafire.com/?ki3uvz3ttyz

>> No.35768  

This is really awesome and lighthearted, so I'm gonna work on this next.

>> No.35773  

Already translated:
http://danbooru.donmai.us/pool/show/681

>> No.35792  

Damn. Well I guess I'll just work on refining the translation then

>> No.39414  
File: 1281925845924.txt.unknown -(55260 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

I finally finished the translations...
E-4 in the army basically means no free time if you're MI.

>> No.39415  
File: 1281925863186.txt.unknown -(9522 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

and notes

>> No.39416  

>>39414
actually e-4 and below, won't make SPC for another year

>> No.39630  

This is my first time editing a whole doujin. Feedback would be nice as would anything that needs to be changed.

http://www.mediafire.com/?mms6t5xj0doomy8

>> No.39648  
File: 1283129754672.jpg -(499571 B, 600x850) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
499571

>>39630
One thing I should say, is that you should really outline the text outside of the bubbles in white.

It was kinda hard to read.

>> No.39659  
File: 1283216075509.jpg -(497726 B, 600x850) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
497726

>>39648
Is this better?

>> No.39676  

While it's fine that you mixed the danbooru translation with mine, it does mess up some of it:
The "There's no woman as fine as x, none" line is repeated on pages 10, 28, AND 38, otherwise it doesn't make sense when Keine says Mokou's using her line on page 39
and the remembered line on page 35 is a quote from Akyu on page 28
also 10 and 28's that girl/woman of women are the same line so they need to match

It would have been nice if you could have included the notes as separate pages as in some of the other releases
Also what happened to the colored text?
Also there was a previous Karaageya work edited by cappy, it would have been nice if you had used his (her?) fonts but that's probably too much work at this point

28
"Are you going to let her live ..." probably "make" gives it a stronger feeling

29
"Literally for eternity" seems weak and doesn't relate to the original phrase "... in a corner of your heart," "forever" or something like that would probably suit it better

30
I think at this point "Gensokyo"'s become the accepted spelling for the Western audience

33

"You're not reincarnating yet!!!" might fit better?

39
I really think the way i put Keine's lines in panels 1-3 works better

41&45
Do Western people not know what bonito is? Dried fish or mackerel would be okay substitutes instead of fish shavings.

44
"perfectly awake" is awkward, either completely totally or wide makes more sense

>> No.39684  

Apologies for mixing your translation with the Danbooru translation. I was initially using Danbooru for reference in placing the speech bubbles. At the same time, I was reading their version and started comparing it to yours. There were some parts your translation felt a little wonky, like Akyu's explanation on page 7, so I changed a couple of early page panel's translations; but around page 26 I had completely switched versions.

Apologies again for switching translations.

>It would have been nice if you could have included the notes as separate pages as in some of the other releases

Sorry for not including that. I was a bit careless to not make one since I just wanted to finish it at that point. (Which is why I didn't bother with the extra comic)

>Also what happened to the colored text?

I was debating whether to keep this or not, but decided not to seeing as the font worked fine. I could re-add it since I have to go over the text again to fix some errors; namely with spacing.

>Also there was a previous Karaageya work edited by cappy, it would have been nice if you had used his (her?) fonts but that's probably too much work at this point

Apologies on this as this is the first doujin I've translated. I found any comic font (Lafayette Comic Pro) I could use and stuck with it. Any pointers to any other font, including cappy's, would be appreciated. As I mentioned, I could change it since I need to fix some spacing issues.

>The "There's no woman as fine as x, none" line is repeated on pages 10, 28, AND 38, otherwise it doesn't make sense when Keine says Mokou's using her line on page 39

Noted. The only inconsistency I see so far is on page 39.

>also 10 and 28's that girl/woman of women are the same line so they need to match

Both of those lines seemed odd to me. I'm thinking girly-girl would fit better. Which should I use?

>"Are you going to let her live ..." probably "make" gives it a stronger feeling

Agreed

>"Literally for eternity" seems weak and doesn't relate to the original phrase "... in a corner of your heart," "forever" or something like that would probably suit it better

In my opinion, I liked "Literally for eternity" more since it meant she would live on for eternity on Mokou's heart since she is immortal; but I can see that it could flow better.

>I think at this point "Gensokyo"'s become the accepted spelling for the Western audience

That was just lazy copy-pasting; sorry.

>"You're not reincarnating yet!!!" might fit better?

Agreed

>I really think the way i put Keine's lines in panels 1-3 works better

It's a very slight change. The main difference I see is the order you put the words, which makes a difference to Keine's next panel. I'll change it.

>Do Western people not know what bonito is? Dried fish or mackerel would be okay substitutes instead of fish shavings.

More lazy copy-pasting from Danbooru's translation. I wasn't even looking at your translation at that part, but Danbooru's version works fine. I see no need to change it. (And to be honest, I don't know what a bonito is.)

>"perfectly awake" is awkward, either completely totally or wide makes more sense

Noted

One final thing: since I was using Danbooru's translation mid-way, who else should I credit to translations? There are a lot of names on the notes page.

>> No.39685  

>>39684
You can credit the translations to Danbooru Fairies.

>> No.39699  

>>39684
Oh, nah, nah no need to apologize, it was just those things with the quotes that were the main problem.
The "Girl of Girls"/"That Girl" thing seems to be a reference to a "girly-girl ideal" kind of song (the raw calls it "The Joshi" [The Woman], which I know of as that kind of song). I was thinking maybe a Western pop reference like "My Girl" might work but since I don't watch a lot of chick flicks I can't think of any newer references. Idk how many of the current generation know about My Girl...

The problem with the danbooru translations is that some of them only translate single bubbles, whereas most dramatic works tend to cut the sentences into pieces to build tension. Good examples are Iyokan.'s Kazenakishi narrative where some of the sentences would run on into 2-3 pages and Personal Color's Tonari Atte Futari, Mukai Atte Mitari series where the characters tend to slowly reveal their true views on things. That's why it was "Yes, but happiness is happiness" in Danbooru whereas it should be a contradiction from this one to the next bubble's "It was because you used my line"
I mean, some of the danbooru translators are terrific, but since it's open to anyone, it ends up being like wikipedia where random people can edit it to fit their own way of writing and you end up with a mix of formal/non-formal/weird writing. I'm probably also biased against it because of the old days of public translations usually being direct Babelfish copy-pasta. On the other hand, I tend to be too strict in following the original text.

On the font thing I don't really mind at all, that's really more of an afterthought. Since Karaage's stuff is really high-impact... you can kinda go wild with the fonts compared to the more serious works, or something like that.

>> No.39740  

One thing before I go through it again. Does anyone have any good fonts to use? I've noticed some other doujins use different fonts for different occasions such as yelling, SFX, off-hand comments, etc. I've been having trouble trying to find a good font. It feels bland using one font for everything.

>> No.39741  

For out of the box fonts you can use: augie, cd writing, almagro, daniel

For when the tone changes: pascal, badaboom, kristen itc, vtc screamitloud, to forgive, original olinda style

Of course, these are just fonts that I like to use. I usually just browse through http://www.dafont.com/ and pick up whatever tickles my fancy. In the end just mix and match whatever fonts you like.

You can also take a look through some of the fonts that Nietz posted here >>39732

>> No.41845  

Can this be archived ?

>> No.41846  

>>41845
As far as I can tell, there are things needed to be fixed according to >>39676 and following.

>> No.43456  

is jaguar still doing this or what?

>> No.43457  

I'll finish what needs to be fixed or if it's going to be a lot of work I'll just do it over again.

>> No.43458  

I fixed the stuff mentioned in >>39676 and some of >>39684. Let me know if I need to fix anything else.
http://www.mediafire.com/?sjnq9zi29a2it3d

>> No.43459  

dammit cappy stop working so fast
can you make some pages for the notes from >>39415

>> No.43460  

>>43459

Alright, alright, I hear you. I'll have it done in a month or two.

>> No.43474  

I updated the zip. The same link should work.

>> No.43645  

Hum, I was archiving this, but I noticed some stuff I think should be changed.

p. 3
Change stances of "Mokou" and "Keine" to "you".
p. 15
"guaridans" -> "guardians"
p. 29 "I have unnatural body" -> "I have an unnatural body"
"Moko-tan will always be the one..." -> "Moko-tan, you will always be one..."

>> No.43646  

Also, there might have been other works ready to archive, but I didn't have time to check and process them today, due to my ongoing connection issues.
Sorry about that, I hope I can fix that problem by next week.

>> No.43649  

p.07
"I believe that ... explore on my own two feet! Doing the same food,"
"of course my generation's work won't be done, right!!!?"

p.33
"Figure of a child!!!
Brain of a-"
also change note for p.33 to "Figure of a child!!!"
p.41
"Yeah happiness is happiness, but"
"that was my line you used."
p.42
gold star needs to match with notes, either change them both to flower stamp or both to gold star. if both to gold star, change the note to:
Gold Star
Originally the flower stamp on the back cover. It says "yoku dekimashita," good job.
p.43
"Ms. Fujiwara no Mokou"
"Ms. Kamishirasawa no Keine?"
p. 48
"you've woken up too, huh"
"(It's) delicious, Keine." sounds a little better IMO. idk if it's better with or without the 'it's'

notes
p.19 can probably be left out since the page wasn't edited.

>> No.43651  

Nietz you lazy bastard. Archive all of them so we can watch the site crash and burn for at least a week.

Also, are you able to sticky threads here? I think we really need one pointing to the potential comics page and a few of the tutorials.

>> No.43652  

>>43646
usually when i plug my COMPUTER into the CABLE making sure the CABLE is attached to an INTERNET MACHINE that is FUNCTIONING it works better than when i attach it to the CHRISTMAS TREE which i really should have put away in DECEMBER

>> No.43658  

>>43652
Man, I tried but the INTERNET TUBES are not working as intended.
(Seriously though, I'm still trying to find time to contact an ISP to set up a land connection in my room.)

>>43651
Hmm, it doesn't seem I can. But I'll ask Hal if he can put those as link at the top of the page.

>> No.43799  

http://www.mediafire.com/?sjnq9zi29a2it3d

>> No.43808  

Didn't see it on the wiki yet, so hopefully you're still open for input.

Page 3
“I know! It would be nice if you played next time!”
“I know! Why don’t you come over for a visit next time?”
----
“So fun!”
“It’ll be fun!”
----
“It would be so fun to have you teach me!!”
“I’m looking forward to watching you teach!”
----
“But, Just on trial ‘kay’?
“But, I’m just there to watch, ‘kay?”

Page 4
“Well, don’t you think little kids would be afraid of your amazing self?”
“Really though, there are quite a few kids who are afraid of you.:
----
“After all, they won’t know how to deal with a mysterious person they almost never see. Honestly”
“After all, you’re known as the mysterious person with almost no outside contact. Honestly./”
----
“This is so cute”
“Even though you’re this cute.”

Page 5
“Are we relieved?”
“So don’t worry.”
------
“That’s enough already!!!”
“You’re making this even harder!!!”

Page 7
“That way, I can create compassionate art, don't you think?!!”
“Is the way to create a work that’s truly alive!?”
---
“Also, she said I’d meet some kind of a rare character today…”
“And to think I could encounter such a rare character today…”

Page 9
“But isn’t there something seriously wrong with that?”
“Besides, don’t you have an important task to accomplish?”
---
“She’s wearing an oni’s skin. She’s an oni.”
“She’s an oni wearing an oni skin.”

Page 10
“Where’d this seriousness come from!!?”
“She’s evolving into something unexpected!!”

Page 11
“12,000 years is too early!!!”
“You guys are 12,000 years early to start!!!”

Page 15
“You can’t only learn to read and write”
“This is something you can’t learn just by reading and writing.”
----
“We can have elegant studies too, right?”
“Yet, it’s a learning experience in its own right.”
---
“Shouldn’t we fill our bellies as well?”
“And it fills our bellies as well.”
---
“Now that I think of it , those two you hang out with, they’re not here?”
“Now that I think of it, those two that are always hanging out together. Aren’t they here?”
---
“Ah really.”
“Well, that’s true.”

Page 17
“How’s it look?”
“Would you like to try preparing them?”

Page 18
“I don’t wanna hear, too weird…!!!”
“But why isn’t that it doesn’t sound like so?”

Page 19
“We’re beautifully cut.”
“We cut them beautifully”

Page 20
“Amazing, is it tasty!?”
“Amazingly it looks really good!?”

Page 21
“How about a noon time show?”
“The noon-time show provider?”

Page 23
“Wife-“
“Read-”
---
“Don’t come any closer, you creeps!!!”
“Don’t come in such a creepy way!!!”

Page 28
“You never see that.”
“There aren’t many people like that.”

Page 31
<This isn’t in the translation, but according to some historians, Hieda no Are (An actual historical figure, and Akyuu’s ancestor) may be another name of Fujiwara no Fuhito (An actual historical figure, supposedly the model of one of the five suitor of Kaguya in “Tale of Bamboo Cutter.”) Fujiwara no Fuhito, in turn, is speculated by many to be the identity of Mokou’s father. Thus, in effect, Akyuu is in a way “Mokou’s mother”>

Page 32
“It’d be good for you to communicate with others are you are.”
“It’d be good for you to communicate with others normally.”

Page 35
“Yep, you did”
“I see”
----
“Are you gonna keep being vague?”
“Are you going to make her live with your ambiguity to very end?”
<To keep consistency with what was said before>

Page 37
“Why are you being so strange just now?”
“You’ve been acting strangely”
---
“Because this is special!”
“So this is special!”

Page 38
“May I speak?”
“Can you go ahead?”
---
“Look at me!”
“Go!”

Page 40
“Yeah happiness is happiness, but”
“Yeah, I am happy that you told me that, but”

Page 42
“You could say it’s something like a kiss!”
“You were saying something about a kiss!”
---
“That was just kind of surprisingly cute!”
“I just reacted to a surprise in a cute way!”
---
“I’m fine!”
“That’s okay, isn’t it!!?”

Page 45
“Ah, a house…”
“Ah, my house…”
---
“And, fried egg!”
“And, noritama*!”
<A type of egg Furikake, might make more sense as “Fried Egg,” I guess>
---
“I’ll make anything you’d like if you want.”
“And after I told you I’ll make anything you like, too”

>> No.43814  

>>43808
ok so i went over your proposed changes, some of these things change it too much from the source, the rest are fine

p3

>>“I know! It would be nice if you played next time!”
>>“I know! Why don’t you come over for a visit next time?”

kene uses play in the raw

>>“So fun!”
>>“It’ll be fun!”

"so fun" and a lot of the other stuff is to catch the symplistic speech of most of the characters

>>“It would be so fun to have you teach me!!”
>>“I’m looking forward to watching you teach!”

the "so fun" in moko's line connects directly to kene's "play"

>>“But, Just on trial ‘kay’?
>>“But, I’m just there to watch, ‘kay?”

just on trial, watch, moko's auditing the class in the raw, that's why "on trial"

p4

>>“Well, don’t you think little kids would be afraid of your amazing self?”
>>“Really though, there are quite a few kids who are afraid of you."
>>“After all, they won’t know how to deal with a mysterious person they almost never see. Honestly”
>>“After all, you’re known as the mysterious person with almost no outside contact. Honestly./”
>>“This is so cute”
>>“Even though you’re so cute.”

these changes are ok
p5

>>“Are we relieved?”
>>“So don’t worry.”

"so don't worry" is fine
i wanted to get the feel of an adult talking to kids, like "let's put a bandaid on this" or "let's make sure we floss!" i didn't think of a way to shorten it from what nameless put to allow for larger text (so let's not worry?), so that's why it ended up as what it is. if cappy wants to change it, that's fine

>> No.43815  

p7
akyu's rant is still not what she's really saying
"only behind desk!
only in mind!
no good if you only think about things!

need to see more with my own eyes,
do my own legwork.
working at the same food,

the work passed down by my ancestors won't be written, will it!!!?

the explanation i've put for "working at the same food" also coincides with moko's confusion over "food"

>>“Also, she said I’d meet some kind of a rare character today…”
>>“And to think I could encounter such a rare character today…”

yes, change
p9

>>“But isn’t there something seriously wrong with that?”
>>“Besides, don’t you have an important task to accomplish?”

idk how i got what i put, nameless is right

>>“She’s wearing an oni’s skin. She’s an oni.”
>>“She’s an oni wearing an oni skin.”

i tried to make cirno childish in her explanation, again, whatever cappy decides here
p10

>>“Where’d this seriousness come from!!?”
>>“She’s evolving into something unexpected!!”

what? it's somewhat like the english "this has taken an unexpected direction", i just cut to the chase here with "seriousness". idk if there's another way to say it here
p11

>>“12,000 years is too early!!!”
>>“You guys are 12,000 years early to start!!!”

i didn't notice i didn't fix it, but it should be "you're 12,000 years too early!!!"
p15

>>“You can’t only learn to read and write”
>>“This is something you can’t learn just by reading and writing.”
>>“We can have elegant studies too, right?”
>>“Yet, it’s a learning experience in its own right.”
>>“Shouldn’t we fill our bellies as well?”
>>“And it fills our bellies as well.”

yes, change

>> No.43816  

p16

>>“Now that I think of it , those two you hang out with, they’re not here?”
>>“Now that I think of it, those two that are always hanging out together. Aren’t they here?”

the new way makes it into two fragments, while mine just has a strange sentence structure, also why would moko ask about 2 people who hang out together with each other but not with the person she's asking?
"ah, yeah," "ah, really," "ah, that's true," "ah, right", there's lots of ways to do it, whatever sounds better to you cappy
p17

>>“How’s it look?”
>>“Would you like to try preparing them?”

"how's it look" should be "wanna hold it?"
p18

>>“I don’t wanna hear, too weird…!!!”
>>“But why isn’t that it doesn’t sound like so?”

"but it doesn't sound that way. weird......!!!"
p19

>>“We’re beautifully cut.”
>>“We cut them beautifully”

"we're beautifully cut" is because it doesn't translate well, "nicely/beautifully cut" as a fragment in the raw is meant to be interpreted as both the unagi and cirno/rumia
p20

>>“Amazing, is it tasty!?”
>>“Amazingly it looks really good!?”

it's "suge-, umasou", not "suge- ni umasou"
to put it more literally, it would be "looks good, is it delicious!!?, but suge- is more of an interjection in this case and needs more of a single word substitute
p21

>>“How about a noon time show?”
>>“The noon-time show provider?”

i don't see how you got that?
p23

>>“Wife-“
>>“Read-”

"wife/read" i explained in the notes

>>“Don’t come any closer, you creeps!!!”
>>“Don’t come in such a creepy way!!!”

whichever way looks better

>> No.43817  

p28

>>“You never see that.”
>>“There aren’t many people like that.”

idk whatever's better, cappy, "sousou imasen" can be translated correctly only as a really long sentence like "you never see such sincerity nowadays"
p31
<This isn’t in the translation, but according to some historians, Hieda no Are (An actual historical figure, and Akyuu’s ancestor) may be another name of Fujiwara no Fuhito (An actual historical figure, supposedly the model of one of the five suitor of Kaguya in “Tale of Bamboo Cutter.”) Fujiwara no Fuhito, in turn, is speculated by many to be the identity of Mokou’s father. Thus, in effect, Akyuu is in a way “Mokou’s mother”>
wanna add that to the notes?
p32

>>“It’d be good for you to communicate with others are you are.”
>>“It’d be good for you to communicate with others normally.”

i had it as "it'd be good for you to have normal relationships with others." but i doubt it'd fit. change it to what nameless put
p35

>>“Yep, you did”
>>“I see~”

yes, change

>>“Are you gonna keep being vague?”
>>“Are you going to make her live with your ambiguity to very end?”
>><To keep consistency with what was said before>

yes, change
p37

>>“Why are you being so strange just now?”
>>“You’ve been acting strangely”

i had it as "why are you acting so strange now?" please change it to that
(on a side note, looking between nameless fairy's proposed changes, the raw, the edited, and my version of the script is making the word "strange" look...strange)

>>“Because this is special!”
>>“So this is special!”

i had this section as
"WELL, SINCE I'M PRETTY BAD AT THIS STUFF!!!"
"SINCE IT'S A RARE CHANCE!!!"
the raw sentences follow the same structure exactly, with moko trying to explain why it's hard before saying she loves kene
p38

>>“May I speak?”
>>“Can you go ahead?”

what? kene's the one who's explaining things following that part

also, can you add the ♪'s to her 2nd and 3rd bubbles in her speech? the previous editor left them out

>>“Look at me!”
>>“Go!”

"look at me!" i had as "c'mon"
p40

>>“Yeah happiness is happiness, but”
>>“Yeah, I am happy that you told me that, but”

the raw is "u-n, ureshii ha ureshii kedo," so what i put is correct
p42

>>“You could say it’s something like a kiss!”
>>“You said something about a kiss!”

yes, change

>>“That was just kind of surprisingly cute!”
>>“I just reacted to a surprise in a cute way!”

i had it as "I WAS JUST SURPRISED BY YOUR CUTENESS!!!"

>>“I’m fine!”
>>“That’s okay, isn’t it!!?”

yes, change
p45

>>“Ah, a house…”
>>“Ah, my house…”

yes, change to either "my house..." or "my home..."

>>“And, fried egg!”
>>“And, noritama*!”

yes change it to "noritama",
also p 48
"which one had egg ..." change to "what's 'noritama'?"

also change the notes, you'll need to delete the noritama stuff from the rice balls and make it into its own section,
p. 45 & 48

noritama

also p. 40 four? is now p. 42 and p. 41 rice balls is now p. 45 (i was using the raw's numbers)
noritama is a portmanteau of nori (dried salted seaweed) and tamago (egg). it's a mixture of bits of nori and dried sweet omlette and is used as a topping on stuff like rice and ramen.

>>“I’ll make anything you’d like if you want.”
>>“And after I told you I’d make anything you like, too”

yes, change

>> No.43820  

part of the problem, as i said before, is that this ended up being a mix of my script and the danbooru guy's translations

>> No.43824  

>>43808 here. Mixing of danbooru translation and yours kind of explains what was going on (inconsistencies, some of them being very accurate while others not.)

p3

>>kene uses play in the raw

“Asobini-iku” means go for a friendly visit.

>>"so fun" and a lot of the other stuff is to catch the symplistic speech of most of the characters

Keine’s speech is very direct, very active voice, very androgynous and very dictionary form. Although it’s not polite, I don’t see her making simple speeches. There are some differences between authors, but this usually holds true.

>>the "so fun" in moko's line connects directly to kene's "play"

Basically same argument as what I wrote above, and tanoshimi in this case is “looking forward to”

>>just on trial, watch, moko's auditing the class in the raw, that's why "on trial"

“Kengaku” means to observe, not go on trial.

Page 4

>>i wanted to get the feel of an adult talking to kids, like "let's put a bandaid on this" or "let's make sure we floss!" i didn't think of a way to shorten it from what nameless put to allow for larger text (so let's not worry?), so that's why it ended up as what it is. if cappy wants to change it, that's fine

I think either way is fine, it’s just that as I stated above, Keine’s speech tends to be very direct and frank, even towards children.

Page 7

>>the work passed down by my ancestors won't be written, will it!!!?

The phrase in here (the whole "writing with blood pulsing through) is a metaphor used by a lot of artist to mean "lively" or "realistic"

>>i tried to make cirno childish in her explanation, again, whatever cappy decides here

Another reference to a Japanese wording "(something) wearing (something else's) skin" Usually, it's used when someone's appearance doesn't resemble how they are on the inside, but it's either Cirno thinks Mokou looks like an oni, or is just making a mistake. Either translation's fine.

>>what? it's somewhat like the english "this has taken an unexpected direction", i just cut to the chase here with "seriousness". idk if there's another way to say it here

Another Japanese wording which means "I was hit from an unexpected direction (whole new perspective)"

>> No.43832  

p16

>>the new way makes it into two fragments, while mine just has a strange sentence structure, also why would moko ask about 2 people who hang out together with each other but not with the person she's asking?

"ah, yeah," "ah, really," "ah, that's true," "ah, right", there's lots of ways to do it, whatever sounds better to you cappy
In other works by Karaage, Chen and Tewi always hangs out together. In the original, I thought it looked like you were saying Keine was always hanging out with them, not those two hanging out with each other.

p17

>>“How’s it look?”
>>“Would you like to try preparing them?”

"how's it look" should be "wanna hold it?"
“Sabaku” means to gut and prepare a fish for cooking.

p18

>>"but it doesn't sound that way. weird......!!!"

Better wording than mine here.

p19

>>"we're beautifully cut" is because it doesn't translate well, "nicely/beautifully cut" as a fragment in the raw is meant to be interpreted as both the unagi and cirno/rumia

Although technically, they doesn’t address what she cut, that’s normal in Japanese sentence structure. I think it’s very hard to interpret that sentence as implying it’s both for unagi and Cirno/Rumia. Either way’s fine, though.

p20

>>to put it more literally, it would be "looks good, is it delicious!!?, but suge- is more of an interjection in this case and needs more of a single word substitute

This one, I had trouble with because I wanted to keep the question mark from the original text, but its literal meaning wouldn’t be a question in English. Basically, it’ll go “It’s super delicious looking!?” which just sounds weird.

p21

>>i don't see how you got that?

They didn’t ask Mokou if she wanted to see a noon time show, they just answered what they were doing there. It was more in the line of something like “Who are you?” “We’re the noon show provider?” (Another one which makes it iffy when keeping both the question mark and English. They’re being genuine, of course, doesn’t sound like she just came up with it on spot in Japanese).

p23

>>"wife/read" i explained in the notes

I’m kind of doubtful that this was an intentional pun, especially with Cirno and other kids’ speeches being predominantly hiragana to give that childish impression. Might just be me, though. Either way’s fine.

>> No.43833  

p28

>>idk whatever's better, cappy, "sousou imasen" can be translated correctly only as a really long sentence like "you never see such sincerity nowadays"

“imasen” implies it's directed at a person, so I thought it’ll sound better.

p31

>>wanna add that to the notes?

Lol, to be honest, that was just me commenting, since a lot of English fans aren’t aware of this (A LOT of historical contents in Touhou). Up to you and the editor.

p37

>>i had this section as
>>"WELL, SINCE I'M PRETTY BAD AT THIS STUFF!!!"
>>"SINCE IT'S A RARE CHANCE!!!"
>>the raw sentences follow the same structure exactly, with moko trying to explain why it's hard >>before saying she loves kene

Orange’s original translation and mine’s pretty much the same, except worded differently. I’ll leave it up to the editor.

p38

>>what? kene's the one who's explaining things following that part
>>also, can you add the ♪'s to her 2nd and 3rd bubbles in her speech? the previous editor left them out

“Itte?” can’t apply to the person themselves because it basically means “Can you say it?” Keine is just adding on to that in the next two panel.

>>"look at me!" i had as "c'mon"

Sounds good.

p40

>>the raw is "u-n, ureshii ha ureshii kedo," so what i put is correct

“ureshii” is “being happy,” as in adjective form. So more literally, it means “Well you can say that me being happy is me being happy, but…” which just sounds weird in English.

p42

>>i had it as "I WAS JUST SURPRISED BY YOUR CUTENESS!!!"

Keine is saying that her way of reacting was in what she thought was a cutsy way.

>> No.43835  

Misquoted and mixed up some of orange's post with mine, sorry about that.

p16

>>the new way makes it into two fragments, while mine just has a strange sentence structure, also why would moko ask about 2 people who hang out together with each other but not with the person she's asking?
>> "ah, yeah," "ah, really," "ah, that's true," "ah, right", there's lots of ways to do it, whatever sounds better to you cappy

In other works by Karaage, Chen and Tewi always hangs out together. In the original, I thought it looked like you were saying Keine was always hanging out with them, not those two hanging out with each other.

p17

>>"how's it look" should be "wanna hold it?"

“Sabaku” means to gut and prepare a fish for cooking.

>> No.43851  

I'm just going to redo the whole thing or let someone else do it.

>> No.43855  

hitsuji-san do you want to go over my whole script then if cappy's gonna redo it? it's somewhere in the thread

>> No.43899  

>>43855

Sorry with the lateness, busy week. I'm fine with PR'ing the script, if cappy is willing to edit. The only problem really, are the ones I've pointed out (which I'm guessing are the result of danbooru, though I haven't gone over your script yet.)

>> No.43923  

Has there been an agreement over which translations to use? Let me know and I'll start on this.

>> No.43932  

ok im finally rested after doing training all week, looks like hitsuji-san will look over my old script and change it where needed and then you can work on it cappy

>> No.44026  
File: 1299874351000.jpg -(267544 B, 600x869) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
267544

I guess I'll start uploading stuff with the changes I see here.

Page 3

>> No.44027  

Wow, jpeg is ruining the colors in this thing. PNG are 700 kb though, so I'm not sure if I should go that route.

>> No.44028  
File: 1299875707843.png -(673023 B, 600x855) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
673023

Page 4

>> No.44030  
File: 1299891990682.png -(646339 B, 600x839) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
646339

Page 5

>> No.44031  
File: 1299892074489.png -(802626 B, 600x854) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
802626

Page 6

>> No.44052  
File: 1300050057018.doc.unknown -(113152 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Sorry for taking a while. Here is the revision of orange's script. Let me know if there's anything I left out on accident.

Thanks.

>> No.44279  

I'm gonna be busy for the next few weeks, so I'm going to drop this. I think it'd be better to redo the whole thing since Jaguar didn't change the color of the text like the artist did, but since this has already been released in the torrent, it might not matter too much.

>> No.44510  

Cappy, may I know which font you used here? Or in case he's not here anymore - does anyone recognize it?

>> No.44531  

>>44510
http://new.myfonts.com/WhatTheFont/
Cut out some large text from an image and try this.



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