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File: 1456273876029.jpg -(1279649 B, 1540x2068) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
1279649 No.60077  


Sorry didn't notice that I mistyped the title.Should be エッヂ not エッジ.

>> No.60420  

Here's another one I've worked on. Please check it out.


>> No.60421  

=> If the first two bubble are connected then I'd remove the period from the 1st one and start the 2nd one with "since". If they're not connected then ignore this.

img008 (double bubble at the bottom)
=> Morning is morn-ing

img010 (1st bubble)
=> How about something like: "I won't find my half-ghost by running around aimlessly like this!"

img011 (middle panel)
=> In the 2nd double bubble I'd replace "gained" with "got", so "wounds I got just now".

img011 (5th panel)
=> Since the answer is in past simple ("Yes, I did") I'd also use the past simple form in the previous bubble, so "Already gave up..."

img012 (5th panel)
=> Unexpectedly is un-ex-pect-ed-ly.
=> Since it's old English I can't really say it's wrong, but I'd consider removing either "to" or "at".

img013 (1st panel)
=> I don't understand what she's trying to say in the 2nd bubble.

img013 (3rd panel)
=> Nominated is nom-i-nat-ed.

I don't have more time now, but I'll try to check the rest in a few hours.

>> No.60422  

img019 (4th/5th panel)
=> I'd use past simple for the whole sentence, so I'd change the middle past to "there were many who trained".

img022 (1st panel)
=> Hypothetically is hy-po-thet-i-cal-ly. I know that it's a small bubble and breaking a single word mare than once doesn't look good (that's just my opinion), but you can use a smaller font or use a synonym like "theoretically" or "for example".

img023 (5th/6th panel)
=> same issue as above.

img024 (3rd panel)
=> In the 1st double bubble I'd more "for you" to the end of the sentence.

img024 (4th/5th panel)
=> I'd use "allows" instead of "allowed".

img025 (5th panel)
=> I'd use an article, so "within the tengu society".

img034 (3rd panel)
=> Not saying that it's wrong, just that in the 1st double box I'd either use "wielding Hakurouken" or "using Hakurouken's power".

img035 (4th panel)
=> In the 2nd double bubble shouldn't it be "turn her blade against her mistress"?

img039 (3rd panel)
=> Reasonable is rea-son-a-ble.

=> Absolutely is ab-so-lute-ly. I know that the box is narrow, so why not use a smaller font size or a synonym.

img051 (4th panel)
=> Resolution is res-o-lu-tion.

I didn't read the afterword, sorry, but I don't really care about it in general.

>> No.60425  

I've fixed those up as much as I could. Thanks again.


>> No.60433  

The same comments on leveling, font size and credits at >>60431 also apply here. Plus a couple of things:

  • Page 19, try touching up the background redraw in panel 5. Usually it helps trying to find the exact repeating spots in the pattern with the Clone tool at 1 px size, then enlarging it a little to paint over.
  • page 32, the text is partially out of the word bubble in panel 2.
>> No.60508  

It's in a better state than before, but I'm not 100% satisfied with the redrawing I did. If anyone else wants to try their hand at the battle pages, go for it.


>> No.60515  

I think the redrawing looks good enough. Levels could still be a little higher.
But the main thing that can be fixed is painting over the white sploches in page 2.

>> No.60526  

Fixed up the white spots on the darker pages that stood out.


>> No.60534  

It's archived.

>> No.60597  

I saw that this wasn't included in the last release post for Gensokyo.

>> No.60598  

Damn, I guess I must have assumed it had been in the last one. Amended the update to include it now.

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