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File: 1480055763115.jpg -(1358952 B, 1415x2000) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
1358952 No.60339  

https://www.mediafire.com/?61kpkouq422q3rv

>> No.60340  
File: 1480055810660.txt.unknown -(9256 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

And script for QC and edit.

>> No.60360  
File: 1481678596074.txt.unknown -(9224 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Here's the QC. I marked a part I'm not sure about in the afterword with ** so if someone could look at that part when double-checking this, that would be great.

>> No.60361  

How about re translated like this :
I feel like I wrote about this before somewhere,
Although Shou and Nazrin living together for a thousand year, there should be a lot of parts that are unknown because their mutual understanding is shallow.

Original text
前にもどこかで書いたような気がするのですが、
星をナズーリンは千年一緒に居た割にはお互いの理解が浅いため
いまだに知らない部分がいっぱいあるのがいいです。

It seem after almost 6 years Touhou doujin translation my English grammar still suck.

>> No.60365  
File: 1481767097390.txt.unknown -(0 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

I changed it to:
I feel like I wrote this somewhere before, but
although Shou and Nazrin have lived together for a thousand years,
there are still many parts that are unknown because their mutual understanding is so low.

I updated it in the .txt

>> No.60371  

Some suggestions from me:

p15[2]Sorry, I'm counting you, Nazrin.

  • there should be "on" after "counting".

p16[3]Ah- This is so fun!!

  • how about: "This is fun!!" or "This is so much fun!!"

p19[4]I didn't know that you had a long hair.

  • the "a" before "long hair" isn't necessary.

p20[5]Well, there are some things one is better off not know, too.

  • shouldn't it be "knowing" instead of "know"?
>> No.60372  
File: 1481825140250.txt.unknown -(9268 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Thanks for catching those parts. I updated the script.

As for page 16, it can work as any of those three option, "so fun," "fun," or "so much fun." I included a note to let the editor know they can use whichever they like.

>> No.60376  

Here's the edited English version if you're interested.
http://www.mediafire.com/file/2p27inxs79qrn7u/CSH_Eng.zip

During editing I made some more changes that for some reason I missed when reading the script.

p9[3]*Hijiri : the worse outcome would be for her hair to die.

  • Replaced "worse" with "worst".

p18[2]*Shou : If Bishamonten's avatar looked like woman, it wouldn't be as persuasive.

  • Added "a" between "like" and "woman".

p22[2]*Shou : Shouldn't that be more...! You're supposed to say something to cheer me up, right?!

  • Replaced "that" with "there".

p23[3]*Nazrin : Oh...your hair's stop falling out, hasn't it?

  • Replaced "stop" with "stopped".

As I mentioned earlier, I edit stories for myself, that's why there is no credit page.

>> No.60378  

Thanks for catching all those. Just curious, on page 13, panel 1, could you remove the "..." after the dash in Kogasa's second bubble? That's a punctuation trend that works in Japanese but unfortunately not in English.

>> No.60379  

Here's the new page 13.
http://www.mediafire.com/file/djwwhgb9uh7ur7h/_013.zip

>> No.60382  

Thanks for all your hard work. Everything looks good to me, though I suppose we'll need a credits page to archive it.

>> No.60383  

You can make one yourself, or, if you let me know what exactly it has to contain, then I should be able to make one.

>> No.60435  

The one like you did in >>60432 is fine.
In fact, since it's even the same people involved, I will just include that same one when archiving later.

>> No.60448  

Archived.
https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/DYNAMO#Corn_Salad_Hair_.282015-08-14.29



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