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File: 1500531997730.jpg -(1213463 B, 1419x2000) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
1213463 No.60662  

A short story

https://www.mediafire.com/?xg2e3t1m6rlc7rl

>> No.60663  
File: 1500532019864.txt.unknown -(5200 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

And script for QC and edit.

>> No.60665  

Checked and edited for phrasing and some mistranslations. Revised the afterword.

Sweet Scarlet

p5
[1]box: A certain day of Scarlet Devil Mansion > A certain day at the Scarlet Devil Mansion

[3]Sakuya : Yes, anything > Yes, certainly.

p6
[2]Remi: Sakuya-

   : Is the tea preparation not finish yet? > Is the tea not yet ready?

[4]Remi: Hey, Flan. > Now see here, Flan.

   : Sakuya have an important job, so don't disturb...> Sakuya has work to do, so don't bother...

p7
[1]Flan: Sakuya have something to do with me, > Sakuya is doing something for me right now,

   : so go somewhere else, big sis!

[2]Sakuya: I'm sorry, my Lady Remilia, due to that reason..> My apologies, Lady Remilia, but that is precisely the reason.

[3]Remi: Yes... > I-I see.../ O-Okay...

p8
[1]Patchy: so you became like this. > so that's what happened to you huh.

[2]Patchy: Well, it's the usual. > Well, as usual.

[3]Remi: I wonder where did I raise her wrong? > Where did I go wrong raising her?

Patchy: I feel it's rather that you left her alone though. You didn't raise her. > You kind of just left her to herself. That's not taking care of her..

p9
[1]Patchy: By the way, little sister, she somehow enthusiastically read a book. > Come to think of it, Flan was really absorbed in a book.

     : Perhaps, it's that > If I'm not mistaken, it was...

[2]Patchy: Well, until Remi feeling better, you can stay like this. > Well, you can stay like this until you're feeling better.

p10
[1]Flan > should be Patchy: Hey > Over there./ Look.

[2]Flan: Geez! Big sis. So you are in this place. > Geez, big sis! So you were here.

[4]Sakuya: About today's tea time, Lady Flandre said she'll do it by herself by all mean. > Lady Flandre stated that she would be preparing today's teatime herself.

p11
[3]Flan: I read a book and there is a thing call house of sweet come up. > I was reading this book and there was this sweets house,

   : I thought, if I made a sweet this big, big sister will surely surprise too, but sweet even small one are hard to make...
> I thought if I made a sweet this big, big sis would surely be surprised, but even small sweets are hard to make...

p12
[2]Remi: Geez, come on Flan

   : I'm not a kid, so I won't be surprise by such... > I'm not a child, there's no way such a thing would surprise...

[3]Patchy:Oh Remi, until just now you are like that, why can't you be more honest in front of little sister? > Although Remi, until just now, was acting like 'that'. Why don't you be more honest with your little sister?

Remi: Wait Pache! My dignity as a sister...> Wait Pache! (handwritten)An elder sister's dignity...

[4]Remi: H...hey Sakuya! Since it's already made, let's have tea time with the sweet that Flan made. > S-Sakuya! Since she took the trouble to make it, let's make do with Flan's sweets for teatime.

Remi: Forget about it!Hurry up, hurry up. > Nevermind that! Hurry up, hurry up.

Sakuya: Fu fu, Certainly. Well then, now I'll serve an exceptionally tasty tea. > Fufu, certainly. Then I shall brew the choicest grade tea for this occasion.

p13(Revised)
Hello, It's Hirasaka Makoto.
And so this time, it's a long awaited Scarlet Devil Mansion book.
Ever since my first touhou doujin, I haven't drawn one about Flandre.
Actually, it's been about 12 years. Really now...
The story content and concept are from an illustration that I drew for Melonbooks-san, intended for use in the Reitaisai Fair.
In fact, this book cover too was salvaged from one of the rough sketches.
It's illustrations of Remilia and Flandre having macarons in a house of sweets, please check it out at Melonbooks-san!
At first I planned to do a closing story for Little Stone Heart,
but due to the Sangetsusei serialization, I was a little pressed for time and came up with a short story instead.<3 fairies of light>
It'd be quite miserable if Reitaisei finally came around without completing a new release, yeah..
Therefore, please wait for the final chapter of Little Stone Heart in the next Summer Comiket!
Please don't miss the seasonal issue of the Sangetsusei serialization too,
I'm sending out quite a large volume!
One of the new fairies will be showing up too!
With that, I'm looking forward to meet you again in the next work.

2016/05
Clash House
Hirasaka Makoto

>> No.60670  
File: 1500688643121.txt.unknown -(6476 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Here's the compiled script with QC from both me and tsumikuburo. Parts where I agreed with tsumikuburo I just marked with the usual asterisk. For a few parts where I disagreed with tsumibukuro's QC, I put my suggestions first (sorry, I'm arrogant) and then put tsumibukuro's suggestion immediately after, marked with two asterisks and in brackets. [** (words words words)]

For the afterword, I put QC first (again, sorry, arrogant) and then copy-pasted what tsumikuburo put underneath it.

>> No.60672  

p8
[3]
Patchy: I feel it's rather that you left her alone though. You didn't raise her. > You kind of just left her to herself. That's not taking care of her..

気がする = (exp) to have a hunch/Feel like

でしょうに = でしょう + なのに
eg. from internet
駅の近くのアパートにすんだら便利でしょう=It's convenient if you live near the station.
駅の近くのアパートにすんだら便利でしょうに=It would be convenient if you lived near the station. (But actually you don't.)

>> No.60674  

p8
[3]
Patchy: I feel it's rather that you left her alone though. You didn't raise her. > You kind of just left her to herself. That's not taking care of her..

>I have a hunch/I think you left her all alone though(all this time). You didn't raise her(at all). I do think Patchy is saying this(most accurate translation). However, assuming everyone in the Mansion knows what happened to Flandre for 495 years(widely agreed in canon), "You kind of just left her to herself. That's not taking care of her..(or 'That's not raising her..')" would sound more natural in speech since Patchouli did know how Remilia treated Flandre in the past.
>> No.60675  

In context, Patchy could mean, "I feel like it's more correct to say that you left her alone, though." To actually sound like a natural conversation, that would shorten to, "I feel it's more like you left her alone. That's not taking raising her."

I think it should be "raising" instead of "taking care of," because she's echoing Remi's previous sentiment about going wrong while raising Flan.

>> No.60678  

I'll edit this, but I don't know anything of Japanese, so I don't know which translation use.

>> No.60679  

>>60678
Use this one as the main >>60670
for part that have 2 correction, use the one that you like/easily fit the bubble (the meaning is not that different)

on p8 [3] choose either >>60674 (first 2 sentence of green text) or >>60675

>> No.60685  
File: 1501451626271.zip.unknown -(5678450 B, 0x0) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Done.

>> No.60686  
File: 1501452088598.png -(444510 B, 1414x2000) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
444510

Fixed mistake in pg 12. Sorry.

>> No.60687  

Page 8
"I feel it's more like (that) you left her alone." > "I feel it's more like you left her alone."

>> No.60693  
File: 1502057074402.png -(357228 B, 1414x2000) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
357228
>> No.60716  

It's archived.
https://en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Clash_House#Sweet_Scarlet_.282016-05-08.29



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